Lose Control.

Whenever I acheived high grades in school, I felt like I had absolute control over everything. School. Friends. Family. And most of all, myself. It was built in my mind that if I achieved and succedded...I would do alright. No worries. No stress. Nada. As the night dawns on me, I look at myself in the mirror. At the blink of an eye, I'm a total complete failure. My self-confidence freezes, and self-consciousnes esclates into high levels. I'm no longer the girl who achieves. I'm the girl who failed. Everytime, I cave into my worst fears. No matter what I promise myself, I can never hold back. My mind screams at me. Telling me, "no, don't do it! you're slowly killing yourself." My fears dominate...and just like that, I'm a goner. I'm too far in the game. No one can help me. And I'm past being scared. Up, down. Happy, sad. Shock, awe. Before, after.